The day has finally arrived.
No, not graduation day. But close. Today marks the end of my university life. I've been waiting four years for this day. FOUR. YEARS. In secondary school, four years felt like forever. In uni, four years went by in a flash, they passed by without proper warning. I am now, going to *finally* graduate! I honestly don't know if I should be happy or sad. I never thought I'd feel anything on this day, but blimey.. I AM feeling something, can't deny that.
I can't say it's happiness. I can't say it's sadness either. It's such a melancholic feeling.. I start to reflect on the past 4 years.. how things started, and how life has changed.. this feels like a demographic transition (I had to learn the damn model for my exam). Friendships have changed too.. majorly. I blame the group changes every term (not even every year, every damn term). It's been hard switching and adjusting. But at the end of the day, every class mate is a friend. And the weird thing is.. I realized that I got to know more people at the end of the year. Does this always happen? But it's too late.. you get to know them for a short period of time, and then when you become closer, the uni life ends.. and everyone disperses. I've been through so much of these in the past 5 years that I think I've grown to accept it. I think I'm just confused about what I'm going to miss, and what I'm not. I can't have a clear mind of what exactly is pulling my strings down.. and locking my soul. It's as if the glasses of champagne consumed after an ecstatic state of mind that freedom is now in my hands.. have clouded my mind. I do have to admit though, I'm exhausted.
Although exams didn't go that great, and as usual, the intrinsic fear of failing and resitting my papers is still within my deepest thoughts.. I couldn't care less about worrying so much anymore.
My graduation day is yet to come (it's so far away still!), during the winter 2010. It's an odd time, when most UK graduation ceremonies are held during the summer. But it's good, it's a convenient time for me. Also, having a convocation soon would be a bad idea for me, I haven't been in the best of moods for anything lately, especially anything which I should be happy and proud of. Come to think of it.. as pessimistic as this sounds.. nobody would be happy for me about graduating besides my family members. Yeap. Harsh fact of life. My family is the only people there for me all the time, bad or good times. They accept my flaws and understand why I am the way I am. I guess that's how it works.. I am pretty lucky to have a rather awesome family.
So.. yeah, I have to admit. I am kinda sad. Who am I kidding? Champagne, scones, dim sum, starbucks.. a rough idea on how my stomach went through hurdles.
Would you be happy for me, having to achieve what I've always dreamed of since I was little? (Yes, being a pharmacist was one of my ambitions since I was 12, how ironic, of course I wasn't serious but still.. how did it come to this?). Or are you just indifferent, technically, because everybody seems to graduate from university these days? (But then again, not everybody).
I never thought I'd be proud of myself for once. This is only the beginning. *Clinks*!
0 spilled their thoughts:
Post a Comment